- February 24th, 2010
Meh, screw it, I don't care if LJ is "uncool" these days I don't see a better format on the net for my little whiney posts.
So having somewhat of a mental breakdown here. Confronting failures and shortcomings in my own life and trying to acknowledge my responsibility of those. Confronting my lack of friends, and the ironic contradiction that I both crave human contact and despise it.
I need to have a woman again, but I don't want a relationship. FWB basically.
I need someone, a confidante, that I can talk to instead of the web-at-large about my issues.
I don't like talking about my feelings to other people.
Needs to be less I.
I need to focus more on what's right for me.
I need to start realizing that it's my own fault I'm stuck still where I am, and that I need to start talking to people if I want to break out into the world at large.
I'm socially inept. Seriously socially inept - pathologically, chronically, whatever.
I break up with my girlfriend of 2 years and all I miss is the sex? Does this mean things were over or that I never loved in the first place? And if I never loved, how the hell am I capable of doing so? And why can't I just push that to the side of my mind, and focus on the things that are really important, like my financial future? And then of course - is that more important? Of course it is, but I think by this point we're back to the top of the post.
I feel like a rat in a cage, mentally (socially) and physically (geographic confines of Kazoo).