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Sastrei's Personal Journal

Bitchin' And Memes

Holy crap LiveJournal still exists!
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sastrei87
It's all still here!

Gleh.
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sastrei87
I really need to figure out a way to turn the emotional part of me back off, the way it was 3 years ago. Today blew chunks.

SQUEE.
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sastrei87
I don't think I've ever been so happy to be friended on FB before.

My dear friend Dave knows this already, but I met a girl at SanJapan, and I'm hoping things work out to a relationship between her and I. She's a TREKKIE!!! And she's cute, imo. ^.^

Just trying to take things slow, but the way my mind works, damn is that ever torture.

Blah.
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sastrei87
Self esteem needs to not be a requisite in life. Mine's taking a pounding talking to my ex. I have to play nice and endure her teasing me that I don't get to fuck her anymore, since she owes me $700!!!

Of course, I also found out I'm unlikely to be an alcoholic, since I went to go take a shot and decided to throw out the small amount of liquor that was left in the bottles that have been there since October of last year.

Fah.
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sastrei87
Meh, screw it, I don't care if LJ is "uncool" these days I don't see a better format on the net for my little whiney posts.

So having somewhat of a mental breakdown here. Confronting failures and shortcomings in my own life and trying to acknowledge my responsibility of those. Confronting my lack of friends, and the ironic contradiction that I both crave human contact and despise it.

I need to have a woman again, but I don't want a relationship. FWB basically.
I need someone, a confidante, that I can talk to instead of the web-at-large about my issues.
I don't like talking about my feelings to other people.
Needs to be less I.
I need to focus more on what's right for me.
I need to start realizing that it's my own fault I'm stuck still where I am, and that I need to start talking to people if I want to break out into the world at large.
I'm socially inept. Seriously socially inept - pathologically, chronically, whatever.

I break up with my girlfriend of 2 years and all I miss is the sex? Does this mean things were over or that I never loved in the first place? And if I never loved, how the hell am I capable of doing so? And why can't I just push that to the side of my mind, and focus on the things that are really important, like my financial future? And then of course - is that more important? Of course it is, but I think by this point we're back to the top of the post.

I feel like a rat in a cage, mentally (socially) and physically (geographic confines of Kazoo).

-Stefan-

Stan Winston dies!
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sastrei87
Stan Winston died today! Noooo... :(

-Stefan-

BLENDER RULES.
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sastrei87
Open-source is officially the coolest thing ever. From the time I started using Blender around two years ago, I've watched them develop it into an absolutely amazing program with features I didn't even know existed. It's just cool. I'm really starting to dig using non-square textures, and just recently they added native non-square support to Blender's development. Just damn cool.

-Stefan-

BEVELS!
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sastrei87
Blender can do proper single-edge beveling!!!!

FUCK YES!

-Stefan-

Perfect.
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sastrei87
I'm reading a BoingBoing blog and it's funny and awesome:

http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2008/02/11/interview-bjarne-p-t.html

I think there's a Lego gene. And it snaps onto the rest of the DNA.
-Patgund



-Stefan-

(no subject)
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sastrei87
Belatedly thieved from Andrew.

63 words

free Touch typing




You prefer Passionate sex!


You enjoy passionate sex. You're the kind of person that has tons of fun in the sack, and you can really get into it. Not necessarily rough and lusty, passionate sex is the kind that satisfies both your lovin' and horny needs.





'What is the best type of sex for you?' at QuizUniverse.com


-Stefan-

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